Faith

I Struggle with My Faith

I struggle with my faith.

It runs through me like a deep underground stream, always there, always pure. The problem is that I often just refuse to go to the pump and bring it up.  I’m not alone. This week, Holy Week, is about a lot of people who were just like me.

The crowds who blessed Him on a Sunday sentenced Him to death a few days later.

And yet, He loves us.

I struggle with my faith.

I feel as though I:

  1. should deserve it and I don’t
  2. should earn the love by solving my own problems without mystical intervention
  3. should keep it private so that I’m not thought of as a Jesus nut

And yet, He loves me.

This is the week to recognise that we are as frail and mercurial as those who welcomed Him into Jerusalem.  My fear of being seen as a Jesus Freak makes me just like the crowds who cried out for His death.    This is the week to know that I am no better that those who denied Him.  This is the week to fess up to my frailty because it’s in that frailty that I find the miracle.

He loves me anyway.

He loves me always.

With just a little effort I can touch that love and am filled with true peace.  And yet, I struggle with my faith.  It is a cycle.  I feel the love and peace, then push it away. I put it in a box marked, For Emergency Only.

He loves me anyway, no matter how many times I go through it.

This is the week to just take a glimpse of a love that it so big and so enduring that it will reach past time, around my fear and through my failures, and soothe all my hurts.

I struggle with my faith but God loves me anyway.

 

5 Comments

  1. Donna Tagliaferri

    I know just what you mean…..my journey has been so diffifcult, but so easy, complicated but simple. I spent so much time wondering why God didn’t love me because my life was so hard. Then I realized my trials and challenges came to me because I live on earth and earth is a tough place. Next I realized God knew everything that going to happen to me and had placed solutions all along my path for me to succeed. I just to remain peaceful and I could see them….life has gotten so much better. Happy Easter….

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  2. I totally get not wanting to look like a Jesus Nut. That’s one of the reasons I struggle so hard with my faith. I would love to acknowledge my faith without others a) assuming it’s a comment on theirs (or lack thereof) and b) assuming that I’m as narrow-minded and loveless as the many so-called Christians bent on shoving their version of Jesus down our throats. And there are times when I just have trouble believing in the Silence that happens. It’s called The Dark Night of the Soul, and it can be a challenge to keep believing in that dark place. But I struggle on because of Good Friday and the Easter beyond. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. I think we all have struggled with our faith at times but you are right, He still loves us. Thanks for sharing at Over The Moon Party. Hope you come back next week so I can stop by again.
    Hugs,
    Bev

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