Aging as Gracefully as I Can

And it's not that gracefully

For the Love of a Dog

Do you have a dog?  Have you always had one or wanted one.  Are you the 1/2 of population that prefers canines over cats?  Me too.  But after our last dog had died, TH and I thought whew, no more animals to worry about.  Let’s hit the road without having to worry about kenneling or house sitting.
But I was wrong.
My house felt empty.  There was a hole.  I was ashamed of how much I needed a dog.  Ashamed that my family, my friends, my job, my hobbies, my faith couldn’t fill that dog shaped spot.  Ashamed that I was so needy.  I’m not the only one who feels that way.  There’s a reason that those God-awful ASPCA TV solicitations are mostly filled with abused dogs instead of cats or bunnies.  Dogs and man have a link. There has been an ancient bond between the two.  There is a dog shaped hole in most of us and a man shaped hole in them as well.

Why?  Why do we or I need their companionship so much?

Believe it or not this is a big deal question that anthropologists, sociologists and psychiatrists have been studying. Each field of study has come up with a different theory.

The sociologists say that the relationship was formed as a mean of social support.  Dogs helped us hunt and protect our families, while we kept dogs warm and fed.  We are linked historical.  We’ve evolved together.

Then the anthropologists believe in the biophilia hypothesis which says that dogs fulfill man’s need to connect with the wild and the nature that our evolution has us growing away from.

Psychiatry believes that our egos need the adoration and love that only canines provide.  

They are all wrong.
While walking with my new pup (of course we got another one) it hit me. The silence and fragrance of late spring all around us.  We were both delighted in the evening and each other.  As Buddie looked up at me smiling, which he does a lot, it just hit me.
I don’t need to be adored as much as I need to be able to actively adore. That sounds weird, I know.  I have family whom I love but all relationships are complicated.  Kids grow up and away. Parental relationships with grown children is the stuff of Shakespearian drama; wicked step-mothers, addled old fathers, tyrannical parents, murderous uncles, –betrayals, loss, arguments. Deep love- at best is complicated.  I hate to admit it but my care for those I love is too often muddled by expectations and strings.  I wish it wasn’t , but…
With a dog, I get to love absolutely without human expectation.  Just love. To cuddle and not be asked to stop because they grow up .  With a dog I learn how to to feed, train, teach, exercise- work hard for their advantage without the deep secret wish for gratitude or control.  A dog is sentient being to be watched over and adored.  A companion to share good and bad days, a companion to just be with.

It’s as if, dogs are here to teach me how to love fully, completely without expectation.  If I can love my family and friends with the same guileless wonder that I love my dogs, my family’s world will be a better place.

Then there is the God thing. While walking with Buddie both of us quiet and the late spring world, vibrant, it occurred to me that my absolute love for my dog was a fraction of how God must feel about me.

God had given us a companion to teach us how to love and to show us how much we are loved.

Dogs with their cold noses and warm hearts are miracles.

Scavenger Hunt For My Life

In the beginning, I knew nothing.
When I watch littles ones I’ve been imagining at what it must be like to feel so new, to have everyday filled with discovery.  When I was a tween and teen, those awful years of puberty everything was again new.  My bones ached.  I didn’t know who or what I was.  I tried personalities on as often as I change my clothes.  My life was on on shifting sands- frightening.  A world of discovery.
How do I get back there? Or am I so wizened to be jaded?
Much of my adult life has been service: cleaning my house, making whites whiter, making sure dinners were healthy and on time, shuttling family back and forth, being a good teacher, helping my students learn, and generally being the best daughter, wife, mother, step-mother, friend and employee that I can be.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a lot of fun and a lot of joy.  However I put lots of people, places, and things before myself for the greater family good.
What is it I like?  No, that’s not it.  What makes my pulse race and my heart beat with anticipation.  What foods make feel good at the same time as having my taste buds come alive?